The Worst of the Worst

by cowboylands

How many top ten movie lists are there in the world? Too many, from one point of view. Always room for more, from another. What I believe, from the bottom of my heart, is that it is always great if SOMEONE ELSE makes the list. I’m pleased to shout the arrival, any day now, of the Top Ten Plug-Uglies of Western Movies. And I won’t have to lift a finger. Batboy42, a discerning western viewer and reader, has volunteered a list of the most god-awful wretched westerns known to humankind. As long as I don’t have to watch them, I’ll be happy. But hell, maybe they’re so bad they’re good?

What will be on it? My personal wish is Dances with Wolves, an inclusion I hope provokes an outcry so I can say why I don’t like that flick. I understand everyone has their favorite, and this one was particularly well-meaning and long overdue, but still. But still.

So soon, dear western viewers, soon. In the words of a not-very-famous movie actor in a not-at-all-famous movie: “Shhh! Something’s coming!”

May the Duke be with you, Batboy45, and happy trails….

P.S. If you have any lists, send them on. Bucko(at)cowboylands(dot)net or in a comment.

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8 Comments to “The Worst of the Worst”

  1. Dances with Wolves bad?
    Hah!
    I have got a list with movies and serials that are SO BAD that you won’t believe your eyes!
    This stuff is so bad that my VCR rejects the tapes and my disc recorder refuses to record them!
    A hint…
    there is a John Wayne movie on the list.
    See if you can guess which one…

  2. I’m drawing my blanket around me a little tighter. If they’re that bad….

    And John Wayne is included? Let me guess…one of his early ones. Before Stagecoach….

  3. Mebbe.
    Heh, heh.

    OK, I’ll bite.
    Why do you think Dances With Wolves belongs on the Worst Western list?
    I’ve seen uglier things than a shirtless Kevin Costner.

  4. Careful, I’ll bite back.

    Dances With Wolves would be a fine movie, it it didn’t end up on so many Top Ten Whatever lists. Why is it there? I think to make people feel good. At last! A Western about someone else than white cowboys! We can watch it and not wince at the hackneyed stereotypes! As an attempt to portray an alternate Western universe, it is laudable. Sans shirt or with shirt. But when people tout it as a Top Ten Whatever, I have to rub my eyes in disbelief. The story line is more cliched than the average B-Western. The dialogue leaden. The acting is spotty. Costner can take his shirt off until his nipple are raw, but he can’t make his average movie into a classic. Dang, I’m all riled up now. To calm down, I have to go watch some James Coburn in a holster….

  5. I reckon I just didn’t like that they killed that horse in the story line.

  6. And that too. Damn. Messing with the horse that way, just to make a point. Which was…?

  7. It was supposed to be from the point of view of the Injuns.
    I saw one the other day that said it much better-
    The Vanishing Americans, story by Zane Grey, a silent movie, full length, first seen in 1925. Now that one is the Injun’s point of view!

  8. Nice!

    That’s another list: Top Ten Injun/Red Man/Native POV Movies

    I read that the first westerns, the silent ones, were a less xenophobic than the later ones. Maybe with the rise of fascism and totalitarian states and the Cold War, there came to be a more closed, us vs. them mentality in movies. In most westerns, the native folks might as well be mannequins. Broken Arrow I recall showed native/settler relationships a little less one-sidedly. And it was in 3-D. Three dimensional relationships….

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