Gone, Gone, Gone; or, Picksburg Kid Picks

by cowboylands

Any western where the Hero bombs a town with trebuckets, and a TNT-dropping kite…

Well, folks, from the dead-eye aim of the Picksburg Kid, that can only be Gone with the West, a ’70s-porn-soundtracked, leather-clad-Sammy Davis Jr.-co-starring, James Caan-must-have-had-to-fulfill-a-contract-mumbling, weird-debauchery-flavored, shaky-camera-for-drunk-scenes, can’t-recall-the-woman’s-name-starring-but-she-became-famous-and-for-this-role-spoke-only-badly-accented-breathy-Spanish-and-got-pushed-around-by-James-Caan, naked-whip-smacking-opening-scene movie.

You’ve got to see it to believe it. It took me a while to appreciate, only because after I first watched it I had to find my eyeballs that had popped out of my skull and roll up my tongue (brushing off dog hair) when my mouth had dropped open. What a weird, weird movie. 

It uses/abuses a two-fold Vengeance plot in a truly skanky-’70s way, with porn-groove soundtrack, alarming views of men pawing women, and with an odd meta-movie ending: “You killed everyone but the cameraman.” “Vengeance is mine,” saith the Lord, and in this movie James Caan and his mugging co-star take it with homemade catapults while two giants battle in a pig sty. I’m serious. Nothing made me happier than getting a link to this weirdo. 

An even brighter side to this is another list! 

From the Picksburg Kid, ever a discerning movie enthusiast. 

Here’s my list of Top Putrid Shoot-em-ups, culled from many sleepless nights in front of the entertainment center

 

Cry Blood Apache
It Can be Done Amigo
Gone with the West
(split on this one, I liked it, Bucko didn’t) *see above, amigo. I am in awe of its awfulness
Dan Candy’s Law
The Hanged Man
Dead Aim
Kid Vengeance
Deadwood 76
Hawk of Powder River
The Trail Beyond

And other pithy comments. And my comments. Good thing about blogs is who gets the last word? The last person who posts does! 

I don’t mind saying, I really like Clint Eastwood. The cinematic style of his westerns set the trend for most westerns to come. (He’s also a right good pi-ano player) *Truth! His jazz-inflected mannerisms are true originals. 
My all time fav is Outlaw Josie Wales, but one particularly weird one is The Beguiled. *weird, in a good way!

One thing always on my playlist is my mentor and hero: MacGyver. Before you spit on the ground and drawl “what’s HE got to do with westerns?” He made 3 or 4 western episodes that are classic nice guy w/o a gun fighting off the baddies. *hmmm. will ponder. But if Star Wars is a space-western, and the late, great sci-fi TV series, Firefly, why not? A scrappy hero who doesn’t need a gun is always welcome…  BTW, on Spitting…I’ve stepped in someone’s hawked hoohaw too many times in my best cowboy boots to ever do it myself. 

The one I wanted to see but couldn’t get a copy–Cowboy in Africa, a 1967 series starring Chuck Connors [The Rifleman],a hatchet-faced good guy with a repeating rifle… Hi-ho, Jumbo, away! …This was made into a comic book, believe it or not…… Wow! In which Cowboy Jim battles the green plague and a plot to silence him!

It’s rare to get such a cornucopia of crap…I mean cinematic glory such as these! Thanks, Kid! (and make sure you spend some time playing stickball or something, in the sun)

 

 

 

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Leave a Comment to “Gone, Gone, Gone; or, Picksburg Kid Picks”

  1. Gotta see those McGyvers!
    And Gone With The West!
    Nice job, Picksburg Kid, what an array of BAD BAD BAD movies!
    What’s your favorite/least favorite/hate to see it Zorro movie?

  2. I’m getting intrigued by these McGyvers too. I’m hoping the Picksburg Kid answers the question about Zorro, as otherwise I’ll reveal how little I know about that fine man. What we need is a good history of Zorro…

  3. My Least fav Zorro would be the Gay Blade

    Course I’ve never seen all 82 episodes of the 50s series.

    Fav would be the 20s Mark of Zorro w Douglas Fairbanks Sr.
    98 Mask of Zorro was entertaining, w Anthony Hopkins
    “This is going to take a lot of Work…”

    How about the female Zorro in Zorro’s Black Whip?

    OWWWW……..Hit me
    OWWWWW…….Hurt me
    OWWWW……..make me write bad checks

  4. A female Zorro sounds like she can make things happen. From making people write bad checks to world domination?

    Checked out the Zorro sites. Zorro 24/7! A nice biography of his horse, Toronado, with some film strip action.

    http://www.newworldzorro.com/analysis/toronado.html

  5. Another bad’un I got from the cutout barrel at the general store.

    Legend of the Phantom Rider

    The protagonist is modeled after the one in High Plains Drifter,
    but looks like the Toxic Avenger wearing a 6gun…….

  6. Terror of Tiny Town






  7. I’m a Happy Camper today.
    Why you might ask?

    Well, it’s not because Clint Eastwood is running for Prez,
    or even because I just hammered the last nail into the new outhouse.

    BIG LOTS just got in a new shipment of DVDs

    and scattered like flecks of gold in a miner’s pan,
    were…..take a deep breath now……. WESTERNS!!!!¡!
    That’s right, scattered amidst the dross of unsellable and unwatchable schlock, was a goodly collection of westerns.
    I only got a couple, as my darling wife was behind me
    fingering her iron skillet meaningfully.

    Gregory Peck in Duel in the Sun

    Burt Lancaster in his directorial debut in The Kentuckian,
    with Walter Mathau as a raging madman,

    and the unforgettable Charles Bronson in Chato’s Land,
    with Jack Palance and James whitmore

    I’m so excited, I’m gonna leave off polishing the smoke wagon,
    and hook up my DVD…….

  8. Isn’t that just like a woman–the woman in westerns that is, welding the implement of domestication to keep the wild western universe in civilized line.

    What a lovely world it is to be able to find a golden seam of westerns. When I see a shelf of western paperbacks from the forties and fifties–my addiction of choice–I still get a shiver that runs from head to toe.

  9. Checked out Little Moon and Jud McGraw
    (James Caan, Stephanie Powers and Aldo Ray)
    what a piece of decrepid shit!!!!.

    It’s Gone With the West, with a beginning and ending tacked on.
    A slightly different sound track,
    some extra scenes obviously rescued from a well deserved fate on the cutting room floor,
    while removing other, more pertinent scenes.
    Made the original movie look as good as Stagecoach in compare.

    Now if ya wanna check out some FANCY gun slingin’
    try Jory, with BJ Thomas as a trick gun handler

  10. BJ Thomas as gunslinger? I’d have to cough politely and ask where the powder room is, and spend about two hours worrying about wrinkles in my chaps. Or something.

    OK, maybe I’ll check it out. But my real question is, why would they ever refurbish Gone with the West? What more could they do to it? No, don’t tell me. You already have, and I’m nauseous.

  11. They had a quasi-narrative thing going through it,
    but with the scene cuts/adds,
    that flow that all decent bad movies has to have was gone.

    Check out Tombstone, has some of the same characters from It Can be Done Amigo,
    the black guy who was the scout in Gatling Gun,
    I swear I saw the antagonist in the old Batman series,
    and last but not least, a seedy circus troup.
    If you like seeing baddies wrestled to the ground by midgets painted like the Insane Clown Posse,
    then this is the movie for you……

  12. Today is the anniversary of the Gunfight at the OK Corral
    which took place in 1881 at Tombstone AZ,
    between Wyatt Earp, his 2 brothers and Doc Holiday
    against the Ike Clanton Gang.

  13. Republicans vs. Democrats, 1881 style. Thanks for that! If I can, I’ll do something this week, but feel free to send in something to post, if you’d like. Just posted. An anti-Palin rant. She drives me nuts.

  14. The voices in my head told me to clean my guns this week…..

  15. They told me to vote!

  16. Tony Hillerman Died on Sunday, at age 83.
    http://www.umsl.edu/~smueller/

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